Words of an old friend, My heart breaks

"don't be afraid of seeking Him in rolling hills or restless wind or capturing Him in the most obvious place...your heart"
-A.N.


Miss you.

alcohol

so today i sat in a car, and listened to 2 people talk about drinking and alcohol. it broke my heart. It's like they're talking about alcohol like it defines them. The kind/brand they drink matters, it gives them worth. And If they dont drink the right stuff theyre not accepted. You think you'll fit in if you just drink, but it never just stops there. There's always something more the world wants you to conform too.

its not worth it

Late night lament

I'm not worthy of who I'm waiting for
Your looking at me and shaking your head
My flesh fails
Why do You love me
Why do You care
I reach for something that was never there
I settle and and feel worthless because of my sin
Tears run down my face because the place I find myself in
I love You, I do
I want to love someone else too
Give me the strength for this wait
I don't want to feel anymore of this weight
Save me OH GOD save me please
Forgive this wretched women of me
I don't want to look anywhere but above
I mess up, sin and replace my first love
Your blood runs down
So do my tears
Soon I can't tell the difference
Thankyou Thankyou for the way that you died
The result of a lie, bleeding slow
I'm here below
On the ground in the dirt
Reaching toward Your feet
Out of the game I don't want to compete
With the world and it's images, standards and pleasures
It's fickle and folly when compared to Your measure
I don't deserve to be here
I'm dirty water
That's what I have to offer
To a God that's thirsty for who He made me
If I drank myself I think I'd be sick
But you swallow me whole and let me live

12/8/11

I'm just an insecure girl inside of Gods world. Take me away from the confidence HE gives me, the beauty HE shows through me, and the worth HIS death proved to me, and I'd fall apart.

love

So i was in the process of helping out a friend when i came to an awesome realization.
i think back on my time in high school as a christian, and i look at the commitments i made to God.
one of them was to not date or get in a relationship until college.
recently i was challenged to look back on that time, and i remember how insecure and worthless i felt or sometimes still feel when there is no guy interested in me.
but heres where God revealed Himself last night..
God knew my heart, He knew my goals, and He knew my commitment to HIM.
when there was no guy trying to get in the way and change that, it showed that God was actually respecting and protecting my heart.
so this has changed EVERYTHING about the way i view things now.
my God loves me, and He isnt trying to rob me of love, He is protecting my heart so that it can love.
THANKYOU JESUS.

Just came across this again...haha

Gentlemen, there are wonderful Christian girls waiting for you to act, well, like a man. Stop waiting for romantic lightning to strike. stop waiting for the umpteenth green light. Stop "hanging out" every night without ever making your intentions clear. Go ask a girl on a date, or ask her "to court". or whatever you think is the appropriate language. But do something. If you want to be single, that's great. Jesus was single. I hear it can be a pretty good gig. But if you want to get married, do something about it. take a chance. risk rejection. be the relational and spiritual leader God has called you to be.
-Just Do Something

Late night thoughts

There is nothing more attractive than a man who
Knows what he wants
Waits for what he wants
Then pursues what he wants when he finds it

December 5th 2011

You are in the quiet of a storm
You are in the noise of a peaceful brook
You are not what we expect
You are a whisper
You are a roar
But we cannot hear you if we do not intentionally listen

Ezra 9:5-15

Then, at the evening sacrifice, I rose from my self-abasement, with my tunic and cloak torn, and fell on my knees with my hands spread out to the LORD my God and prayed:

“I am too ashamed and disgraced, my God, to lift up my face to you, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the heavens. From the days of our ancestors until now, our guilt has been great. Because of our sins, we and our kings and our priests have been subjected to the sword and captivity, to pillage and humiliation at the hand of foreign kings, as it is today.

“But now, for a brief moment, the LORD our God has been gracious in leaving us a remnant and giving us a firm place in his sanctuary, and so our God gives light to our eyes and a little relief in our bondage. Though we are slaves, our God has not forsaken us in our bondage. He has shown us kindness in the sight of the kings of Persia: He has granted us new life to rebuild the house of our God and repair its ruins, and he has given us a wall of protection in Judah and Jerusalem.

“But now, our God, what can we say after this? For we have forsaken the commands you gave through your servants the prophets when you said: ‘The land you are entering to possess is a land polluted by the corruption of its peoples. By their detestable practices they have filled it with their impurity from one end to the other. Therefore, do not give your daughters in marriage to their sons or take their daughters for your sons. Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them at any time, that you may be strong and eat the good things of the land and leave it to your children as an everlasting inheritance.’

“What has happened to us is a result of our evil deeds and our great guilt, and yet, our God, you have punished us less than our sins deserved and have given us a remnant like this. Shall we then break your commands again and intermarry with the peoples who commit such detestable practices? Would you not be angry enough with us to destroy us, leaving us no remnant or survivor? LORD, the God of Israel, you are righteous! We are left this day as a remnant. Here we are before you in our guilt, though because of it not one of us can stand in your presence.”

12/1/11

i will wait for you.