Late night lament

I'm not worthy of who I'm waiting for
Your looking at me and shaking your head
My flesh fails
Why do You love me
Why do You care
I reach for something that was never there
I settle and and feel worthless because of my sin
Tears run down my face because the place I find myself in
I love You, I do
I want to love someone else too
Give me the strength for this wait
I don't want to feel anymore of this weight
Save me OH GOD save me please
Forgive this wretched women of me
I don't want to look anywhere but above
I mess up, sin and replace my first love
Your blood runs down
So do my tears
Soon I can't tell the difference
Thankyou Thankyou for the way that you died
The result of a lie, bleeding slow
I'm here below
On the ground in the dirt
Reaching toward Your feet
Out of the game I don't want to compete
With the world and it's images, standards and pleasures
It's fickle and folly when compared to Your measure
I don't deserve to be here
I'm dirty water
That's what I have to offer
To a God that's thirsty for who He made me
If I drank myself I think I'd be sick
But you swallow me whole and let me live